Beware Some Self Care Advice...

Fair Warning:  Try as I do to avoid being snarky, this is a rant, and it's in response to snark itself. 

Self Care has become a buzz phrase over the past several years, and as such, has often been reduced to watered down sound bytes that leave far too much room for interpretation and imagination,...

..So when I saw this meme on Facebook, it just about made my blood boil.  The sanctimonious, sarcastic tone implied in it goes against everything that self care is about, and it does so with a condescending, judgmental and holier-than-thou tone. 

First, let me just be pedantic for a second and ask "What is a soft bath?"  My guess is that the author meant to say 'bubble' bath, or even 'warm,' or 'hot' bath, but was in such a hurry to spread their 'smug'musings that they didn't bother to proofread the meme. 

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, let's unseat said author from their high horse... let them know what self care is about.  (And yes, it is about long, hot bubble baths, and chocolate cake,.. and so much more.)

Self care is about 'taking care of yourself.'  And a lot of people don't really know what that means, or how to do it. 

So, for those of you who don't know (and for the author of that self-important meme if you happen to ever get to read this response to your pretentious musings)...  

Self Care is about 'growing.' 

It's about personal growth. 

It's about taking care of your own physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual self so you can grow as a human being. 

P.I.E.S.

P.I.E.S is the acronym we use to describe how to practice self care. 

It's what it means to 'take care of you.'  

It's also how we combat the 'sound bytes' like 'work on yourself,' being interpreted as 'you aren't good enough,' and how we fight against the sound byte 'put yourself first' being used as an excuse to be selfish. 

And it's how we respond to contemptuous memes like the one that drove me to write this post... 

One last thought regarding that haughty meme... the idea that self care is about 'creating a life you don't need to regularly is escape from' is idiotic. 

It implies that the only people who need self care are people who have a terrible life. 

WRONG!

We all need self care. 

And... there are some life issues that are going to make life difficult for anyone, which no amount of self care is going to fix.  Though taking care of yourself, can and will help.  

Easy As P.I.E.S. Home Spa Self Care Day

Home Spa Self Care Day

Finally!  The reason I started this blog, this post.... a total self care plan in one, 'Home Spa Self Care Day' Event...

For years, I've dreamed of spending a day at the spa...


I imagine taking in a steam in the steam room to open up the pores, then a mud bath, a facial, and enjoying a relaxing mani/pedi, while surrounded by lit candles, breathing in the scents of the aromatherapy treatments meant to calm, inspire, and invigorate...

I envision a light, healthy lunch with grilled fish, a nice side salad, and a glass of wine.

Followed by a complete and total body wax, and ending with a full body rub down of essential oils...

Of course, a day at the spa can be just a dream for many of us, myself included. So, it's time to get creative!  Not having the time or budget for going to the spa wasn't going to stop me from having my own self care day of pampering.

If you can't get to the spa... bring the spa to you!

I must confess, when I first considered creating this 'self care' blog, everything I'm about to show you in this post is what I envisioned as my own 'self care day.'

Setting Up Your Home Spa Self Care Day...

My home spa setting...

The Spa Room

I have a bathroom in my bedroom, but it's kind of small and it only has a walk-in shower.  My main bathroom however, is bigger and has a bathtub.  I was considering (ok, so I was actually 'searching' Google for DIY homemeade bath tubs) creating some kind of 'tub' in that shower for the purpose of my 'home spa' event, simply because it adjoins my bedroom where my collection of beauty products live.

I also considered using the main bathroom to set up my 'spa experience,' but aside from tracking all those products across and to the other end of the house, it's also the 'main' bathroom for the house, including the kids and any guests, and to occupy it for a full day, also meant that the kids and any guests would have to go into my bedroom to use that bathroom...Suffice to say, I had a hard time trying to decide what to do.  Until I thought of... 

The She-Shed Home Spa.

The idea for the she-shed spa, (to be more accurate, the 'pallet she-shed spa) came to me as I was thinking of all the things I wanted my little 'at-home self care palace' to offer.

I knew I wanted the 'sauna' ambiance of wood and heat, and with free pallets in no shortage of supply in this neck of the woods, I knew I could create that 'sauna-like' experience with free building materials.

And my bedroom, and the adjoining bathroom both line up against the side yard, so I could easily 'extend' both bedroom and bathroom into the 'she-shed home spa' and create my own personal self care space.

Plus, I wanted to be able to have a 'girls spa day' with friends, so I want the 'space' to be able to accommodate a few friends and myself, which I could do with just my bedroom and bathroom, but could do even better with a little additional space.

*Note: I've been collecting pallets for years so I already had a collection.  That said, such a project would take 'some' time to complete, so I settled on simply moving the furniture in my bedroom around, and bringing in a few pallets for 'staging' the 'home spa self care day.' 

Spa Services At Home 

I have a feeling this post is going to be pretty long as it is, so rather than run down the huge list of options you can choose from for your home spa day, I'll show you how I intend to make mine.

Having never been to a spa, I wasn't sure what I could, or wanted to do for my own 'home spa' event.

I knew the basics of facials and manicures, pedicures. Now all I needed to do was decide what else I wanted to include.

Included in my personal, home spa self care day was: First, breakfast; 30 minute steam to open the pores; full body hair removal; activated charcoal facials for cleansing, followed by a clay mask facial for tightening; a full body mud bath accompanied by an aromatherapy session; a short mid-morning snack break; a 20 minute hand bath, followed by a 30 minute foot bath; a hot, relaxing bubble bath with bath oils, bath salts and bath crystals; lunch; complete, full body oil rub down; manicure; pedicure; after lunch snack; hot oil hair treatment.

Future self care days may call for some changes to this plan.  Things like facials may change according to any skin care needs, as aromatherapy scents may change according to needs as well. For now though, this set-up works for me, and for what I want out of this event.

If you aren't sure what other services a spa offers that you would want, you can easily do a Google search for spas in your area and then check out their websites to see if they have a list of the various services offered their facility.  While facials and mani/pedis are pretty much standard spa fare, some spas offer mud baths, seaweed wraps, and more... 


  The Home Spa Menu

I wanted this to be a full day of self care activities, so I knew we would need fuel for our bodies.  This home spa treatment called for healthy yet delicious foods including breakfast, lunch, snacks, and of course, bottled water. I also wanted to include some 'indulgences' like mimosa's, wine and chocolate.

Aside from the bottled water, I set up fruit and vegetable trays for snacking on throughout the day between meals.

And of course, I included several smoothies for juicing.

     Breakfast
      Mimosa's, Eggs Benedict, fresh apple, orange, banana and canteloupe slices, a glass of orange juice, and a bottle of water to get us started with the process of cleansing our systems of toxins and impurities. 

     Mid-morning snack
     Strawberries with whipped cream and chocolate, wine and water. 

     Lunch 
     Grilled salmon, with lemon, butter and garlic, salad, with a raspberry vinagrette, and a bottle of white, sparkling, wine. 

     Mid-afternoon Snack
     Vegetable tray, cheese, whole wheat crackers with peanut butter, bottled water. 

You can, of course, change some of the foods on the menu.  Just make sure that you substitute any food with another from the same food group.  And remember, mimosa's are 'champagne' and orange juice.  You can also use 'sparkling white wine' to make mimosa's.

Home Spa Day Supplies... 

Once you get your 'spa activities' and logistics figured out, the last thing you'll need is 'supplies.' You'll want to be sure you have everything you need on hand.  So you can concentrate on doing exactly what you're meant to do on this special self care day...'taking care of you.'

Here's my list of supplies for my first 'home spa self care day event': Candles, towels, bathrobes, slippers, activated charcoal mask, clay mask, bubble bath, bath oils, bath salts/crystals, essential oils, pedicure set, manicure set, cuticle oil, hot oil hair treatment, razors, and Nair.

Plus the food, wine, water and juices.

Where To Get Your Supplies For Your Home Spa Event

I got quite a few of my supplies, including towels, candles, waschloths, and nail polishes at Dollar Tree.  You can get quite a bit of stuff for cheap at Dollar Tree and Family Dollar.  For things you can't get at either of those stores, if you're like me and don't want to brave Wal Mart, there's Amazon. Here are two supplies I found on Amazon.

Juicer
When I was planning the menu for 'spa day,' I realized that mimosa's, (orange juice and champagne - or sparkling white wine-) and water could get pretty old, pretty quick.

I'd use 'smoothies' in the past to trick my kiddos into eating certain vegetables.

And despite years of trying to 'acquire' a taste for any of them, knowing their health benefits, I'd had yet to find a 'berry' I liked... until I started making smoothies.

So it seemed that juicing and smoothies were a perfect addition to the 'drinks' menu of home spa self care day!

I didn't have a juicer, so I searched Amazon for something that was affordable and easy to clean, and I found this Cuisinart CJE-1000 Die-Cast Juice Extractor.  Affordable, and easy to use, this juicer has over 900 reviews and averages 4 stars.  Plus, it comes with a cleaning brush, so that's one thing I won't have to worry about 'adding' to my purchase to make the product usable.

Essential Oils
I got interested in essential oils when a nurse suggested rubbing lavendar and peppermint oil on my son's feet to help him with his ADD.  Of course, I'd already been exposed, unkowingly, to 'aromatherapy,' through various 'scented' bath products which promoted their 'scents' as various benefits, such as 'citrus' for 'invigorating,' or 'lavendar' for 'calming.

When I started researching the 'spa like activities' for my home spa event, I also discovered that essential oils can be added to things like DIY mud masks.

And you can even drop a few drops of an essential oil into a 'diffuser' to scent a room and reap the benefits of the 'aromatherapy.'

With a pretty big selection of oils, and a wide variety of benefits from them as well, I knew I was going to need at least a small 'assortment' of essential oils for myself and my 'spa day girlfriends' to benefit each our individual needs.

A quick search on Amazon led me to exactly what I needed, the Plant Therapy 7 & 7 Essential Oils Set.  This set of 7 essential oils includes; Lavendar, Tea Tree, Orange Sweet, Peppermint, Lemon, Cinnamon and Eucalyptus oils. These oils are used to fight germs, aid the immune system, invigorate, help with relaxation and tranquility, and sensual stimulation.

And with that, it's time to start your....

Home Spa Self Care Day

Emotional Self Care

The "E" in P.I.E.S.  Emotional Self Care

The best way to describe what 'emotional self care' means is to borrow a common phrase:

"You can't pour from an empty cup."

Much like when you're on a plane and the flight attendant advises you to put your own oxygen mask on first because you can't help anyone if you're dead or unconscious... you can't be emotionally supportive of anyone else (spouse, kids, parents, friends) if you aren't emotionally healthy yourself.

When we think of self-care, most of us tend to think of 'putting ourselves first,'... getting our hair or

nails done, maybe taking a day at the spa or engaging in some 'retail therapy.'.

And those are 'part' of what self-care is.

They 'contribute' to the 'base' need - emotional healthiness.

That said, however, P.I.E.S. without the 'e' is... well, never mind that.

All the physical, intellectual and spiritual work in the world won't lead you to emotional health if you don't take the time to develop healthy emotions.

Simple Emotional Health Tips For Beginners

Emotional healthiness isn't a destination.  It's a journey.  As we continue to grow, we continually face new experiences, challenges and emotions, and with each new opportunity to learn from them, comes an opportunity, and often a need, to expand our 'emotional health tool box,' and become an even more emotionally awesome person.

Here are 5 basic tips to get you started on the road to emotional health today...

Learn to identify your emotions-  When we experience emotions, we often misidentify them.  We may think we feel 'angry,' but on deeper inspection, learn that we truly feel is hurt, or fear. Being 'overcome' with emotion (flooding) can cause confusion and this often lead to unhealthy emotions, emotional reactions, and negative results.

Process your emotions - Once you learn how to identify your true emotions, you can learn how to process them in healthy ways.  Ask yourself 'why' you are feeling this emotion.  Consider what your 'instinctual' reaction is.  Ask yourself if that reaction will solve the problem.

"When I first started dating "Mr. Right Now," he once accidentally called me by his ex-girlfriend's name.  For a moment, I just stood there, staring at him as his friends started planning his funeral.  However, thanks to the 'affair recovery program' I went through when my husband cheated and left me for 'the other woman' I simply said, 'I'm going to go inside and process this so I don't react in an emotionally unhealthy way.'  And I did.  I wasn't angry. I wasn't jealous. I wasn't insecure. I had absolutely no fear that he wanted to go back to her as they'd been apart for 5 years already.  In the end, I realized that the only thing I was really upset about was not knowing if I should be upset... and that wasn't a very good reason to be upset.  So, I decided to let it go and move forward."

Allow yourself the right to be wrong - no one is perfect.  And we can practice P.I.E.S and 'emotionally healthy habits' until the end of time, and we'll still screw up from time to time.

Forgive yourself... those of us who were blessed with good examples of emotional health in our childhood learned early on that 'to err is human, and to forgive is divine.' Those of us without the blessing of those good examples may not have learned to forgive others, and also, not learned how to forgive ourselves.

Seek out the help of a professional counselor or therapist if needed-  Some of us had great examples of emotional health, others haven't, and yet others whether they have or haven't, may experience an emotional crisis that simply requires more support than what's in our toolbox.  Knowing when to seek out that help and support is a basic requirement on the journey to emotional health.

Remember, emotional health is not a destination, it's a journey.  And along this journey, are wonderful and wonderous sights and experiences that make up the 'whole' of 'emotional health,' the same way that lakes, and rivers, and mountains and historical places make up a state or a country...