Emotional Self Care

The "E" in P.I.E.S.  Emotional Self Care

The best way to describe what 'emotional self care' means is to borrow a common phrase:

"You can't pour from an empty cup."

Much like when you're on a plane and the flight attendant advises you to put your own oxygen mask on first because you can't help anyone if you're dead or unconscious... you can't be emotionally supportive of anyone else (spouse, kids, parents, friends) if you aren't emotionally healthy yourself.

When we think of self-care, most of us tend to think of 'putting ourselves first,'... getting our hair or

nails done, maybe taking a day at the spa or engaging in some 'retail therapy.'.

And those are 'part' of what self-care is.

They 'contribute' to the 'base' need - emotional healthiness.

That said, however, P.I.E.S. without the 'e' is... well, never mind that.

All the physical, intellectual and spiritual work in the world won't lead you to emotional health if you don't take the time to develop healthy emotions.

Simple Emotional Health Tips For Beginners

Emotional healthiness isn't a destination.  It's a journey.  As we continue to grow, we continually face new experiences, challenges and emotions, and with each new opportunity to learn from them, comes an opportunity, and often a need, to expand our 'emotional health tool box,' and become an even more emotionally awesome person.

Here are 5 basic tips to get you started on the road to emotional health today...

Learn to identify your emotions-  When we experience emotions, we often misidentify them.  We may think we feel 'angry,' but on deeper inspection, learn that we truly feel is hurt, or fear. Being 'overcome' with emotion (flooding) can cause confusion and this often lead to unhealthy emotions, emotional reactions, and negative results.

Process your emotions - Once you learn how to identify your true emotions, you can learn how to process them in healthy ways.  Ask yourself 'why' you are feeling this emotion.  Consider what your 'instinctual' reaction is.  Ask yourself if that reaction will solve the problem.

"When I first started dating "Mr. Right Now," he once accidentally called me by his ex-girlfriend's name.  For a moment, I just stood there, staring at him as his friends started planning his funeral.  However, thanks to the 'affair recovery program' I went through when my husband cheated and left me for 'the other woman' I simply said, 'I'm going to go inside and process this so I don't react in an emotionally unhealthy way.'  And I did.  I wasn't angry. I wasn't jealous. I wasn't insecure. I had absolutely no fear that he wanted to go back to her as they'd been apart for 5 years already.  In the end, I realized that the only thing I was really upset about was not knowing if I should be upset... and that wasn't a very good reason to be upset.  So, I decided to let it go and move forward."

Allow yourself the right to be wrong - no one is perfect.  And we can practice P.I.E.S and 'emotionally healthy habits' until the end of time, and we'll still screw up from time to time.

Forgive yourself... those of us who were blessed with good examples of emotional health in our childhood learned early on that 'to err is human, and to forgive is divine.' Those of us without the blessing of those good examples may not have learned to forgive others, and also, not learned how to forgive ourselves.

Seek out the help of a professional counselor or therapist if needed-  Some of us had great examples of emotional health, others haven't, and yet others whether they have or haven't, may experience an emotional crisis that simply requires more support than what's in our toolbox.  Knowing when to seek out that help and support is a basic requirement on the journey to emotional health.

Remember, emotional health is not a destination, it's a journey.  And along this journey, are wonderful and wonderous sights and experiences that make up the 'whole' of 'emotional health,' the same way that lakes, and rivers, and mountains and historical places make up a state or a country...